Despite writing some professional looking letters to Santa asking for a Soul Cycle Slim, he failed to deliver once again.

All I wanted for Christmas... was to stop barfing.

Yep, got me a good case of the old stomache flu / food poisoning / attempted-murder-by-radioactive-doping over the holiday weekend. Pretty much thought I was going to die. I even willed all of my freaky tall bikes (not tallbikes, just tall bikes) to Snacky.

I think I barfed out some key brain cells though, because now I find myself using words that, while close to what I mean, are not quite on the mark. For example, aw hell, I can't think of any examples. But trust me, it's like my brain searches for the word, but picks the last thesaurus entry for what I mean.

Anyway. A couple of weeks ago Brauer Power, B Rose, and I road tripped it out to Pittsburgh (home of Yuengling Beer, said B Rose, and some truly spectacular drinkers) for the 17th (can that be right? sheesh.) annual Punk Bike Enduro.

Suffice it to say that this grandaddy of Non-racing yahooery is a freakin' good time and I recommend it to everyone. Well, not to this guy:



The day was pretty spectacular, in that no parts of my body froze. My feet did look like those of a dead guy who'd been drowned in a swamp and brought up 13 months later by a hungry black lab, but that's what you get in that neck of the woods:



Pittsburgh is a great town. They got professional wrestling at the Moose Lodge, liquor raffles, and shit tons of muddy trails to ride - and nobody wants to keep you off the trails when they're wet because they're always wet.

So, next December get yourself to Dirt Rag's big party and make an ass of yourself. I did and it felt good. And when Christmas comes around, just feel all the love and joy of the season between the twelve or thirteen times you have to run to the john and puke like a ninteen-year-old at Padre Island.

-Skip

As a believer in the idea of natural selection, I've avoided writing a "winter riding tips" blog now for 4 years. But since I'm still seeing a good number of people riding bikes in the winter without good equipment, I'm breaking my vow of silence to address some basic safety issues in the name of keeping bikes on the road year round.

Hopefully this doesn't come as a surprise to you, but car drivers don't expect to see bicyclists this time of year. Whether you're in California and it's a frigid 58F or here in Minnesota and it's a balmy 22F, motorists are not looking for you. Light the hell out of your bike!

Off the back:
One flasher on the rear is not enough. Put two or three multi-LED lights on the back because you know the batteries in one of them will fry midway home. Angle the lights so they are pointing at the cars and keep them in flash mode. A loosely dangling flasher strapped to your courier bag is like asking a car to rear end you. The purpose of these is to capture the attention of a motorists from as far a distance as possible. Simple reflectors help, but do not stand alone in this function.

On the front:
I've had way too many cars pull out in front of me even with a bright steady beam and 3-LED flasher on the handlebars. In my experience, a rediculous amount of bright flashers on the front is much more effective than a steady lamp. Some of the new LED lights are very effective and moderately priced. Flash mode makes it more difficult to see the road in front of you, so if possible, choose a bright light that goes from steady to flash mode quickly and easily. Again, point the lights directly at the cars in order to get their attention. Helmet lights are also very effective, as you can quickly point the beam at the motorists to make sure they see you.

Clothing:
Day glow may give you a false sense of security because it is only effective during the day, so make sure your clothes have adequate reflective striping built in. This seems especially important on mittens when you signal for a turn. Yes, I usually signal my turns in traffic. Predictability is key to gaining the motorists respect and allowing them to cohabitate safely.

Wheels:
I've been using wheel lights and wheel reflectors more and more lately. A spinning light makes a much greater path of light than a stationary mounted light. Not to mention, when a motorist sees the rotating light, they can tell it's a bicycle and not a christmas lawn ornament.

The bottom line here is to go overboard on the lights and reflectors, check your batteries often, and angle the lights at driver level. If you see a car pull over because they think you're a cop, then you know you've reached a good level of visibility.

Exactly 15 years ago, my sister was having a little Christmas dinner party with friends. We lived just 8 blocks apart from eachother, so I jumped on my bike, rode through the snow and got there not knowing what to expect.

She was known for her fine cooking, but I wasn't sure if it would be a lively atmosphere, so I came prepared. As I entered her house, I noticed everybody was politely, yet mildly engaged in conversation. To tell the truth, it was a little boring.

So I asked if I could change the music, she obliged. Enter Soul Brother Number One. Yes, that's right, The Hardest Working Man In Show Business was about to show this old wooden living room floor what funk was all about. The album was In The Jungle Groove and this little cassette tape I brought just in case was burning a hole in my pocket.

As the first song started, the atmosphere was instantly a little more lively. By the second song, people were moving chairs and tables out of the way to dance. By the third song, there was a sweaty funk in the air and every single person had set their drink down to boogie. To this day, I've never seen a single album change the tone of a party like this classic James Brown masterpiece. We listened and danced through the whole album, it was a perfect moment.

I'll never forget that party or the many other times a James Brown track has made my white butt jiggle. Funk music, disco, hip hop, rap and R&B/Soul can all lead back to one man, James Brown.

As I read the news headlines today, my eyes well up because the single most influencial music artist in my life has passed away. He was 73 years old, he had been handing out Christmas gifts to children just days ago and he was still touring. What an unbelievable career!

Do yourself a favor and listen to anything from 1970-1975 with his name on it. Just make sure you have room in the house to get up, get into it and get involved.

Dingle Bells

Sorry, couldn't help that. Our new Dingle cogs are here for the first time ever. "What" you say "is a Dingle cog?" and "why" you say "the hell would I want it?"

It's a two-speed fixed cog that threads onto any ISO threaded (1.375" x 24 tpi) fixed gear hub so you can swap gears. Hey purists, cap it for a second while I explain. Say you want to ride your off-road fixie to the trails and then ride some dirt, but your gearing is either too low for the road or too high for the dirt. For example, with a 17/19t Dingle cog on the back and 44t/42t rings on the front, you suddenly have a range of gears to choose from. Run your 44/17t combo on the road and switch to the 42/19t combo for the dirt. Your chainline will remain intact and your rear wheel will stay in the same position in the dropouts with either combo.

Like all our cogs, it's machined from SCM415 hardened and chrome-plated CroMoly steel, so they are tough and long lasting. You'll need to use a 3/32" chain that is 9-speed compatible.

We've also updated our stainless steel fixed lockring by making it 1mm wider. This extra metal creates better lockring tool engagement, which is especially important on the Dingle cogs with its recessed lockring interface. So we recommend using the new lockring with all Dingle cogs. Gear combos available are as follows:

Part# FW0602- 17/19t
Part# FW0603- 17/20t
Part# FW0604- 17/21t

Part# FW9010- new wider lockring

The front tire on the Big Dummy started going flat on the way into the office on Tuesday. It had a slow leak, so I was able to pump it up a couple times during the ride, instead of stopping to replace the tube en route. When I got to the office, I removed the wheel to replace the tube, and I figured I might as well install an Endomorph tire (a discontinued 30tpi Band-Aid brown-wall unit) on the wheel as long as the Pug fork was already installed. The larger tire will add a bit more cushion and, hopefully, a bit more life to the injured frame.



One drawback of the non-offset 100mm O.L.D. Pug fork, when using a front disc brake, is the narrowed space between the disc caliper and opposite side fork leg compared to the standard Pug fork. One must remember to install the wheel (shod with an Endomorph) before inflating the tire, unless you’re running really low pressure and can squeeze the tire enough to fit it through the relatively narrow gap.

I didn’t know what to expect, regarding the handling, from the 740mm (29”) O.D. tire in the Pug fork on the Dummy. The trail measurement is somewhere around 85mm. That’s pretty high, but it’s still very maneuverable at all speeds. I think the girth of the big meat adds a bit of stability to an otherwise-unstable geometry. I've ridden some sections of dirt road and suburban grass on the new set-up. All grins. I think I’ll run this combo for a while. It’s a good test for the new fork. Big Dummy will probably kill it before Pugsley does.

The Endomorph is lighter than my somewhat-smoothed 26 x 3.0 Gazzaloddi, so the attainable speeds are the same despite its more aggressive tread pattern. The Endomorph definitely growls more than the butchered Gazzaloddi. Off-road, it’s pretty stealth, but on the road, it lets you know it’s comin’ atcha. That might be a good thing. The Chatty Cathy walking groups, that frequent the bike paths and suburban side streets in our area, might actually move aside when I’m approaching. Many times, I have to slow way down and yell at them to move from their 3-abreast configuration, so I can pass safely. They couldn’t hear my bell or brake levers clicking, as I approached, over their collective yammering.

I had the steering geometry of the Big Dummy radically adjusted for me, yesterday morning, by a Minneapolis motorist in her late-model Chevy Monte Carlo.

Ms. Smith ran a red light driving north on Nicollet just as I entered the intersection on green (going west on 60th St.), to make a left turn south on Nicollet. The Big Dummy and I T-boned her car hard enough to bend the fork from 45mm of offset to –5mm or so. Plus, it bent sideways and twisted. The handlebar and stem twisted 90 degrees from the impact, but I managed to keep the bike upright. I moved the Dummy to the grassy area next to the sidewalk and ranted at the offending driver, at high volume, until the authorities showed up. I’m not proud of that; it’s just my natural reaction when somebody almost kills me by doing something stupid and avoidable.





Two Minnesota State Troopers (who were very helpful) were on the scene immediately. They just happened to be driving by immediately after the accident occurred. Two witnesses stepped forward and gave their account to the troopers. I gave my info and proceeded to assess the damage to machine and body.

My 26 x 3.0 Gazzaloddi was torn, but luckily didn’t puncture. My Large Marge/New Hub wheel stayed true. Not surprising. The fender was bent. And my knickers and tights got ripped. The Big Dummy frame seemed fine, so I removed the fender and disc brake caliper and clamped the wheel in the fork so it would clear the legs and allow me to pedal the remaining 17km to the office.

After the accident report was written and a citation was given to the driver for running the red light, I took off toward the office with my wheel jacked in the dropouts…leaning 15 degrees toward the non-drive side of the Dummy. Needless to say, the new angle and decreased offset created some interesting handling characteristics…especially in the corners.

I finally got to the office and my left knee, the one that took the brunt of the impact, began to throb and swell a bit. I’ll probably have it checked out by the doc tonight, just to be safe. I was in better shape than the Big Dummy. After a careful examination of the frame, I found a crumpled spot under the top tube. Damn. I had hoped the fork had taken enough of the impact to spare the frame. I wasn’t surprised, but it bummed me out. Ol’ #1 got taken out by a distracted driver. No bike deserves to go out like that.

With a new fork, Big Dummy is rideable…the beauty of steel, but its days and miles are numbered. I’ll switch my parts over to a new frame when the second generation of samples arrives in a couple of weeks. Ol’ #1, refitted with the bent fork for effect, will probably become a nice conversation piece in my garage unless I decide to repair/replace the front end and put it back into service some time down the road.

We got some sample non-offset-to-the-drive-side 100mm O.L.D. Pugsley forks last week, so I installed one of those on the Dummy to get me home. The cantilever bosses are spaced for a Large Marge rim, so I didn’t have to lop the bosses off another 1x1 fork.





Ahhh, another experiment with trail. Going from the 413mm axle-to-crown 1x1 fork to the 447mm axle-to-crown Pug fork was interesting, but not unpleasant. It’s better at high speed, but wasn’t unstable enough at low speeds to warrant concern. Obviously, we didn’t design the Dummy around a 447mm fork (it’s spec’s with a 425mm unit) and 26 x 3.0 tire. But it works. In fact, I’ve found that I can get used to just about any fork/wheel/tire combo that yields a trail number in the 50mm to 80mm range. I’ll probably install an Endomorph, in the same fork, on the Dummy when/if we ever get snow.

The new Pugsley forks won’t be available for a while, so please, please, please don’t pester us about them. More testing must be done. You’ll get an ETA and more specs here, when we have information to give you. That’s another blog posting.

Time: The morning after, & way too early.
Scene: The poor man's party pit down by the river. Empty cans are strewn about and the fire has burned down to lukewarm ash. There are several lumps in sleeping bags scattered about, and bikes hanging from trees. T-Boy is curled up by the fire, shivering in denim print lycra shorts, a silver faux-fur shrug, and a Colnago cycling cap. Flasky, after a restless collapse into dreamless sleep a few hours earlier, creaks open his lid...

Flasky: Oooohh.... Dat hurts. Are any of you lumps awake? Hey!

Sleeping-Bagged Blob #1: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Flasky: My hinge is sore. Brauer, rub my hinge!

Sleeping-bagged Blob #2: Flasky, go to sleep.

Flasky gets up, scratchess his belly, rubs his hinge a bit, then stumbles over to the fire, where he kicks T-Boy.

Flasky: Jebus, you look like one of Liberace's poops. What a buncha lightweights. Hey! Get up, you tool!

T-Boy does not wake up but instead begins to whimper and twitch, looking like a dog dreaming about running.

Flasky: Wake up fool! Let's go get some breakfast.

One of the lumps begins to move. A face appears in the folds of the sleeping bag and a groggy voice speaks.

Blob #3: Shut up, Flasky. Go to sleep, dammit.

Flasky (muttering): Stupid eediots. I gotta take a leak.

Flasky goes down to the river's edge, yawns, stretches, and barfs into the water.

Flasky: That's better. I could eat a whole pancake.

He begins rummaging through the messenger bags and backpacks lying about.

Flasky: Lessee.... camomile tea.... socks.... a bag of mulch... earrings... water bottle... schnauzer.... waffle mix... Lamisil... acid washed denim jacket... wallet sized pictures of Pat Sajak... ah, here we go: firecrackers!

Flasky throws several packs of Black Cats on the dying embers. He watches from on top of T-Boy. One of the fuses finally catches and Flasky leaps down to hide behind T-Boy. The first firecrackers crack and pop, then the rest erupt into a cacauphony of explosion, jarring everyone awake and upright. Everyone except T-Boy, who remains asleep and dreaming.

Brauer: What the hell is wrong with you Flasky!?

Flasky: Hey sissy boy! Good morning sweet cheeks! Well, you're all up. Let's go get breakfast.

The lumps groan and collapse back to the ground. Several loogies are hawked up and spat in the general direction of Flasky, who artfully dodges them by standing still and heckling the again-unmoving lumps.

Flasky: You couldn’t hit a barn, you toad lickers. I haven’t seen that much spit flying since your mom came over for dinner!

Brauer gets up and walks over to Flasky, his arms folded, a look of merciless annoyance etched on his face.

Flasky: Hey guy! Finally decide to take me to breakfast? Ees about time. Jeez, put on some pants, wouldja? No one wants to see all dat. Hey! What are you doing!? Leggo my eggo, yo!

Brauer picks up Flasky and hurls him as far out into the river as he can. The sound of Flasky’s receding voice is silenced by a punctuative “SPLOOK!” as he hits the water. Brauer gets back into his sleeping bag and within minutes is snoring again.

T-Boy wakes up, stretches, finds some wood for the fire, and speaks:

T-Boy: Anybody else hungry? Let’s go get a taco.

No one answers. T-Boy shrugs, gets on his bike, and rides away, his leaf-plastered faux-fur shrug shedding leaves and twigs as he goes.

I’ve been riding an Electra 24 x 3.0 slick tire in the Big Dummy fork, with the 26 x 2.35 Schwalbe Supermoto on the back, for a week to experiment with a decrease in trail and increase in front tire volume. I did like the increased tire volume on the front for a bit more suspension and larger ground contact patch. But I still wanted more boing and more traction.

In preparation for snow (we still don’t have any, but eventually it will find us), Big Dummy got another front-end mod this weekend. I swapped in a 1x1 fork (with canti bosses chopped off) and mostly-deknobbed 26 x 3.0 Nokian Gazzaloddi on a Large Marge rim. I’m using the shorter 1x1 fork (413mm vs. 425mm axle-to-crown) to keep the geometry from getting too whacked with the larger front tire. The rear tire will eventually get swapped out for a 26 x 2.5 knobby to gain a little extra traction after the snow flies. I use a Large Marge on my Instigator/Xtracycle and prefer it because of the increased lateral stability when using a high-volume tire. To me, the big roller, in front, seemed right at home on the Dummy.

After 75km of commuting, I'm pleased to find that this new set-up is as fast as...maybe faster than...the other combos I've used. I doesn't seem logical, but I attribute it to the increased suspension and the way the full front fender acts as an airfoil tucked behind the large profile of the big Nokian. The flywheel effect of the heavier hoop may also be a benefit on long stretches of road. Plus, the surefooted traction gained by a larger tire footrprint allows me to carry speed in the already-overly-sanded-and-salted-by-eager-public-servant corners where smoother tires would be more prone to slide out. In stop-and-go situations, the performance of the bigger tire and rim will likely pail in comparison to the lighter Salsa Gordo/Schwalbe Supermoto front wheel that I rode until the 24" wheel was installed last week. But I tend to find routes that avoid stop signs and stop lights, so that scenerio is the exception rather than the rule.

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There is just something so great about Hostess Cupcakes. There is something just so wrong about them as well, but I am currently in winter fattening up mode so I choose to ignore all the evidence that one day I will die from eating them.